i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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