I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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