Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
