don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
