I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
