4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
