so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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