also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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