So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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