Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
