i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
