My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
