Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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