Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
