The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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