i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
