saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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