I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
