Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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