my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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