I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
