Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
