hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
