She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
