If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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