go do what you do best...puke behind churches
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
