We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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