I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
