Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize