Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
