I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
