maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
