you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
pray to the hookup gods
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
