How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize