stop calling my apartment porn island.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
