my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
