Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
