last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
