What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
