Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
