My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
