Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
