when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
