And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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