I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
