I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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