Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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