Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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