dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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