Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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