Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize