90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
