I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
