I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
