I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
