I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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