take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize