hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
