I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
