I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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