Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
