Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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