Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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