My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
