Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
