no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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