So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
