I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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