he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize