my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
