i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
